Malaysian Jokes

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Some Malaysian jokes to cheer you up.

Ah Cheng Buey Ro Ti
Once upon a time, a group of Ah Bengs stepped into a lounge and wanted theDJ to play the song "Ah Cheng Buey Ro Ti" (In Hokkien meaning Ah Cheng buysbread) The DJ told them that they only have English songs and told them tore-select another song. The Ah Bengs were indignant and kicked up a bigfuss, claiming that the DJ was insulting them. The manager had to intervenein order to calm them down. Finally, after many hours of talking, themanager managed to find out that the Ah Bengs were actually asking for thesong "Unchained Melody" by the Righteous Brothers.





G for Gero
One day, two Ah Lians got into a lift from the 20th storey of a building andwanted to get down to the ground floor. As they looked at the dial , theycould see the number 20 down to number 2. It was then followed by a G. Asthey were not English-educated, they were puzzled and really had no ideawhat does the letter G mean. Suddenly one of them exclaimed excitedly andhit G. When they finally reached the ground floor, the other Ah Lian was soimpressed and asked the first Ah Lian, "Wow, how you know one?" The first Ah Lian reply smugly, "Easy lah.. G for Gero mah..."





Singapore and Malaysia have a different philosophies of life. This becomes apparent when we compare the two countries' Rules of Simple Living.

Singapore:
1 - One Wife
2 - Two Children
3 - Three Bedroom Condo
4 - Four Wheels
5 - Five Figure Salary

And indeed, that is why 'Singapore is solid'!

Malaysia? Well, Malaysia's Rules of Simple Living are the
following:
5 - Five Children
4 - Four Wives
3 - Three Figure Salary
2 - Two Wheels
1 - One-Storey Link House...





Little Led Liding Hoot
Once upon a time hor, got one girl little led liding hoot. She want
to go to Ah Mah's house. Morning alleady she go out one, she got take come
one basket to put flower. She "do want" to walk long-long so go take shot
cut. Wah!!! she dono got one animal follow her one hor! She happy-happy
walk until she come to Ah Mah house.

"Ah Mah! Ah Mah! I come, open the door leh?" she talk

Then Ah Mah also talk back, "Come in lah I never close one" Little
Led Liding Hoot open the house and go inside door..... oh, solly solly....
open the door and go inside the house, she got see her Ah Mah on top of the
bed. She go ask Ah Mah.

"AH Mah, how come your eye vely big one hor?"

"So I can see you maahhhhh!!!" Ah Mah say back.

"Ah Mah, how come your yearvely long one?"

"So vely easy to hear you one laah!!!!"

"Ah Mah, how come......."

"Aiyaa!!!! SO many question one ah you.... never die before heh?"

"Solylah Ah Mah, I dono mah that's why I ask".

"What soly-soly! Now I want to eat you, I not Ah Mah, I animal one you know................."

Wah! Little led liding Hoot vely scared one, she scleam velyloud but
late alleady, the animal alleady eat her. She now inside stomach one.
Suddenly got one people, cut wood one, go inside the house. He want to save
Little Led Liding Hoot, he go and cut the animal stomach and take out
everything, but he too late, Little Led
Liding Hoot become shit alleady............





Concerned Mother
A mother was very concerned that her middle-aged son haven't shown theslighted indication of getting married. So one day she called her son to her house. The son came home from work, grudgingly.Upon arriving, he found out that his mother had gathered a few beautiful ladies at the house for him to choose whose to be his future bride.

The first one was a well-endowned telephonist-via-receptionist. he immidiately rejected " Aiyaa... mother, when they answer telephone one, they always say.... HOLD ON, HOLD ON........."

The second nominee was a leggy secretary. This was rejected also"Aiyaa... mother, this one aaa..., when taking down short hand notes from her boss, always say..SLOW DOWN, SLOW DOWN...."

By this time, the mother is nearing frustation. She called a sweet, but plain-looking teacher. The son suddenly agreed!! The mother was surprised... "Why this one? The previous two were a lot more better looking!" He replies " Teachers aaa.... while teaching, always say to their pupils...REPEAT, REPEAT AGAIN...SOME MORE, SOME MORE....!"

Her youngest son, who is 10 years old, was listening quietly all this while at the other end of the room. Suddenly, he shouted "Brader aaa.....female bus conductor more better laa....they always say..NAIK CEPAT, NAIK CEPAT... MASUK LAGI DALAM, BELAKANG KOSONG!"





Karim and the Monkeys
Once upon a time there was a nice young man called Karim. He used
tos ell caps for a living, and roam around several villages. One day he
would be in Mughalsarai, the other day people would find him in Faizabad.

It was an afternoon in summer and he was traversing the vast plains
when he felt tired and wanted to have a nap. He found a nice mango
tree with lots of branches and cool shade, placed his bag of caps
beside him and went to sleep.

Tired as he was, he was quickly fast asleep. When he woke up after
a refreshing little nap, he found that there weren't any caps in his
bag! "Oh, Allah!", he said to himself, "Did the thieves have to find me of all
people?" But then he noticed that the mango tree was full of cute
monkeys wearing colourful caps!

He yelled at the monkeys and they screamed back. He made faces at
them and found the monkeys to be experts at that. He threw a stone at
them and they showered him with raw mangoes.

"Ya Allah, how do I get my caps back," he said. Frustrated, he took
off his own cap and slammed it on the ground. And lo, the stupid
monkeys threw their caps too! Smart Karim didn't waste a second,
collected the caps and was on his way.


50 Years later ....

Young Abdul, grandson of famous topiwala Karim who was also
working hard at making $$$ doing his family business, was going through the
same jungle. After a long walk he was very tired and found a nice
mango tree with lots of branches and cool shade. Abdul decided to
rest a while and very soon was fast asleep. A few hours later, when
Abdul woke up, he realised that all the caps from his bag were gone!
Abdul started searching for the same and to his surprise found some
monkeys sitting on mango tree wearing his caps. Abdul was
frustrated and didn't know what to do. And then he remembered a story his
grandfathers proudly used to let him.

"Yes!!!! I can fool these monkeys!!!", said Abdul. "I'll make them
imitate me and very soon I'll get all my caps back!"

Abdul waved at the monkeys -- the Monkeys waved at Abdul
Abdul blew his nose -- the Monkeys blew their noses
Abdul started dancing -- the Monkeys were also dancing
Abdul pulled his ears -- the Monkeys pulled their ears
Abdul raised his hands -- the Monkeys raised their hands
Abdul threw his cap on the ground ............
........ one of the monkeys jumped down from the tree, picked the
cap, walked upto Abdul; slapped him and said "Idiot!!! Do you think
ONLY YOU HAVE A GRANDFATHER?????"







The Labbit and the Lulian
There was a beauty paegant and Miss USA, Miss UK and Miss Malaysia were finalists.The host asked them the first question, name an animal which starts with L...Miss USA said lion, Miss UK said llama, and Miss Malaysia said..."labbit.."And then the host asked "Okay, now name a fruit which sarts with L"Miss USA said lemon, Miss UK said lime and Miss Malaysia went "A-ha!! I know this one... Lulian!!"






Sun Exploration
Four delegates from China, Russia, the United States and Malaysia attended the United Nations' Meeting. All the nations were discussing about space exploration by the year 2000. Here are some of the conversations:

China Delegate: 'By the year 2000, China will start their moon exploration project. '

Russian Delegate: ' We too, we are going to explore the moon. This time we will see to it that our cosmonauts will step on the moon.'

Bill Clinton: ' We the United States will also explore the moon for second time.'

Malaysian Delegate: 'By the year 2000, Malaysia will explore the sun.'

There was a long silence, Bill Clinton stood up and asked the Malaysia Delegate: ' Isn't it too hot to explore the sun?'

Malaysian Delegate (smiling): 'I had this thought out already. We will do it in the evening.'

hahaha.. Brought to you by I,Malaysian! We share, we care.

 
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